Viktor Reznov facts
by Spyash2
Summary: Just some silly facts I found about Viktor Reznov from World At War and Black Ops.
1. Chapter 1

Viktor Reznov facts

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Sgt. Reznov will beat his ass and take it.

Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Sgt. Reznovaurus.

Sgt. Reznov owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets

What many people dont know is Sgt. Reznov is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Sgt. Reznov's fist.

Sgt. Reznov once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.


	2. Chapter 2

Viktor Reznov facts 2

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a stare from Viktor Reznov would liquefy you're kidneys.

When Viktor Reznov wants an egg. He cracks open a chicken.

Viktor Reznov is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Reznov doesn't play god. Playing is for children!

Once a cobra bit Reznov's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. No one bites Reznov and get's away with it.

The speed of light was instituted because Reznov didn't want get winded outrunning it. Sgt. Reznov hates to sweat.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Sgt. Reznov's PC will crash.

What was going through the minds of all of Sgt. Reznov's victims before they died? His shoe.


	3. Chapter 3

Viktor Reznov facts 3

When Reznov drinks vodka, the vodka gets drunk.

Reznov didn't need Dimitri to take over as sniper. His finger was just tired from killing so damn many Nazis.

Rezov has never had to pull the trigger to his weapon, the trigger would always repress in fear of being touched by Reznov. 

Reznov can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Reznov has 3 knees on each leg.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Reznov.

Reznov brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Sgt. Reznov doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Viktor Reznov's credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.


	4. Chapter 4

Viktor Reznov Facts 4

The 'Big Bang' they tell ya about in school was actually the result of Reznov, MacMillian, and Chuck Norris fighting. The universe we know today was the result, If they ever fought again the fucking universe would explode.

Reznov once slowed down time so he could watch Amsel's death in slow motion.

Reznov does mess with the Zohan.

Kennedy wasn't killed by a sniper's bullet, some genius thought it would be a good idea to give Reznov sunflower seeds.

If you can read this sentence thank a teacher. If you can still read thank Reznov for allowing you to live.

Freddy Kruger has dreams about Reznov.

Reznov won the Boston marathon while asleep.

Reznov CAN triple stamp a double stamp.

Reznov once decided to get drunk, the place is now known as Ground zero.

Reznov doesn't buy petrol cause his car is too afraid to break down.


	5. Chapter 5

Viktor Reznov facts 5

Viktor Reznov was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as 'Sir Beatdown'.

Viktor Reznov once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Viktor Reznov re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Reznov can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Reznov, dies.

Reznov doesn't go hunting... Reznov goes killing.

Reznov's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius

On a high school math test, Sgt. Reznov put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Reznov solves all his problems with Violence.


	6. Chapter 6

Viktor Reznov Facts 6

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Reznov while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic. No ship, no matter how big or thick, was strong enough to resist that much awesome.

On his birthday, Reznov randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Viktor Reznov wanted his nickname back.

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Viktor Reznov."

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Reznov needs his toothpicks.

Reznov's pulse is measured on the richter scale.

Jesus can walk on water, but Reznov can walk on Jesus. Not even "The son of god" is safe from Reznov's path.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Viktor once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. He had created, the first "Crap Turtle" in the entire world.

Reznov can speak braille.

When Reznov was born, the doctor had slapped him. In retaliation, Reznov punched the doctor in the nose. No one assaults baby Reznov without getting a form of injury in return.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Viktor Reznov and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


End file.
